Anyone who has had the experience of raising a teenager can testify to the struggles of parenting. Some struggles are more extensive than others. For us, I would have gladly accepted the normal teenage stuff, but that was not was in store for us. I won't go into what we have been through, but I will say that I am a Mom with a broken heart.
I came across the book "When Your Child Breaks Your Heart....Help for Hurting Moms" by Barbara Johnson. It was free and I grabbed it. Not sure what the price is on it now, but I can guarantee whatever the price it was very much worth it. When I started reading it I had no idea that the reason her heart was broken was because her son was homosexual. Don't let that throw you, because no matter what the root of your hurt is, her story can still be helpful. I substituted the issues that we face for the issues they dealt with and it was like a warm embrace.
When you battle with a child extensively it damages so much of your inner soul, their soul and the family. There's so much second guessing and the estrangement from a child is one of the most brutal things other than death. In this book she gave voice to things that I felt, put words to these conflicting emotions that I experienced and helped me see things in a way that was a bit more clearer than the mud that has been in my eyes.
" I had lost a son, yet he was not in a grave - he was out there someplace. He was gone, yet he was my own son - living, breathing, moving around in a market or driving on the freeway, yet not wanting us to know where he was."
"It would be easier to go to a cemetery and place flowers on his grave than to realize we might never see him again. Could he cut himself off from us and live his new life as if he were not our son?"
"Will I ever be able to breathe again without this choking feeling? Will I always feel as if I have a sack over my head"
"Wherever he is, I want him to know my love has never stopped. It's pretty hard to let it flow, though, when you haven't seen someone you love in months."
I not only felt "understood" by some author unknown to me, but I learned from her. I learned from her experience and from her journey. I love it that you can highlite and add notes on the Nook....I have passages highlited all over this book and notes galour.
If your struggling with loss....grab the book. You'll be glad you did.