Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Line

I had an amazing opportunity to attend a one night Lisa TerKeurst Women's Conference tonight at The Church of the King in Mandeville, LA. When I got home I immediately told everyone that I could not talk because I had one of the most amazing experiences in my life. To talk would be to dull the experience....to try to describe it verbally is impossible, In fact, anyone reading this blog may not even get it.....but I got it. God spoke to me so clearly through this amazing Woman of God. I don't know if she will ever know how her words lifted a ton of bricks from my back and helped lighten my soul.

I can tell you that she spoke about a wise woman in Samuel Chapter 20, but what I got was not so much from the scripture as from her analysis and using her own experience to illustrate a point. The TerKeurst family adopted two teenage boys from a third world country. It was not planned nor expected. God put everything in place for them to survive their experience, live in an orphanage then be transported to the United States where they found a home among Lisa, husband and three daughters. Because the boys were on a Kindergarten level she home schooled them with no clue about what she was doing. She was hilarious in her description of this experience. Anyone who knows me....just imagine me trying to do this and that will give you a pretty good visual. In two years the boys were able to transition to either Junior High or High School. The oldest graduated with something like a 2.76 and was so worried and upset that he would not get into the College he wanted with that grade point average. Of course, God worked that out and he WAS accepted. Lisa told how she took him to College and did a prayer walk through his dorm....through the hall....across campus....ALL AROUND the girl's dorm. She reminded him of their family motto: Remember who you belong too. She said he remembered it.....for three weeks. She got the call that he would be suspended because what most College kids participate in....alcohol usage.

At the point that she got the call she was devastated. She said that she wanted to just draw a line straight from her son's mistake straight to herself. She blamed herself for not doing this....or doing that. Maybe if....It plagued her and she carried the grief of her child's trouble and consequences. THEN God showed her that the line that she drew was not drawn correctly. The line should have been drawn from God to HER because He gave her this child. He knew even as Jackson was being formed in the womb that Lisa would be strong enough to take him where he was, get him where he needed to be and certainly strong enough to weather any troubles that he may face.

At that moment I had to cover my whole face to keep the cry that crawled from my heart from becoming completely audible in this huge stadium of a Church. When I say that the tears came....it wasn't just tears....it was the sloppy snorting kind. Thankfully the Lord allowed my tears to flow quietly.

There are no perfect parents or children. When I married  my husband I got a "2 fer".....I gained a precious four year old  little boy. Oh he was the light of my life and still is. I believe my parents became grandparents in their own minds the day they met him for the first time. My brother doted on him so proudly. He was about as close to perfect as could be. He had the best manners.....extremely respectful and smart. He was fortunate enough to have three sets of grandparents as well as three sets of Aunts/Uncles. He never lacked for love and was so free with the love that he gave....especially when his siblings arrived.

Then the teen years hit and they KNOCKED US DOWN! I will be the first to say that I didn't always handle things the way I should have. There are so many things that I wish I could take back or do different. Things went from bad to worst and there was absolute no control over going to school or anything. I think that we alternated from denial...to shock...to anger...to pain....and the cycle continued. No one outside of the home saw what was "actually" happening so we looked like lunatics and were pretty much alone. It was a really bad, bad situation that resulted in him leaving us four days after he turned eighteen, as well as, damaged relationships between us and our families. I, literally thought I would die. I begged to die....it was all too much and I came very close to giving into that desire twice. The loss was almost unbearable.

I'm happy to say that after those very long few years of hell, we have our son back and thankfully other family relationships are mending. He is a fine young man who is making a place for himself in this world and I couldn't be prouder,  but I did exactly what Lisa did. I drew a big THICK line from our son to me and I blamed myself for not being enough or for being too much. I want the best for all of my children, but for him in particular, the responsibility felt heavier because God gave him to me to raise here on Earth while his Mama waited for us with Jesus in Heaven. Although we made it, and things are good that big thick black line remained. Just this week something reared its ugly head from those dark past years. It was just enough to rip my heart up. After talking with my son about it, his heart-felt comforting words and apologies for what took place then were like salve to a burn, but tonight after hearing Lisa TerKeurst's story that nasty line has been erased. It's gone. I no longer have a ripped up, shredded, burned heart.

I get it now and God made sure of it tonight. My line goes from God to Me then to my husband and children because He knows everything that they will experience and go through. God put me with my husband and three beautiful children because He knew I was strong enough to deal with each of them and what they would experience.....just as they would me. There are no words to express the love and gratitude that I have for my husband and children. The Lord blessed me....he has blessed me indeed.

As you go to sleep tonight you may be burdened with issues that you are really struggling with. Maybe it's a child, a loved one, grief or illness. Whatever it may be....just know that the line from God to you is a powerful line because He has put you in your position because you are strong enough, wise enough, and tough enough to deal with anything that comes your way. You are his Holy and dearly loved child. Rest in that.

Tonight I go to bed for the first time in about eight years with no thick black line.

Praise God and God Bless All

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